on finding love...

 I was stopped by a man at the movie theatre the other day. He told me I was the most beautiful girl he'd ever seen in his life, and that he wouldn't have been able to live with himself if he hadn't spoken with me. That was rather nice. I must admit my first inclination was that he was mocking me, but he seemed to be rather genuine. Those ephemeral moments are nice. When you see someone you like, and you say, "that person seems like someone I could spend my life with," and the next moment the person is gone, and you cannot be entirely sure how much of that person was real or how much of them was your own projection of what you are longing for. For me, it lends a little magic to the idea that one needs to find love in life. I don't mean to say that I believe the life that awaits me is one devoid of love, but I believe that what I am searching for, is not the love found in all those romantic comedies that people never seem to get tired of. Where love drives our protagonists to extraordinary measures in order to find and win the heart of that special someone that they are looking for. Everyone loves a happy ending, but most of those movies end when the two protagonists find one another. That is not what I am longing for, and I don't want anyone to do that for me. What I want is to find someone I can depend on eternally. Someone I can work with as an equal in all aspects of life, and who will think as highly of me as I do of him. I don't need heart-pounding, drive-you-silly romance. In fact, I rather deplore it. I know from experience it leads me to do things that I am not proud of, and it makes me feel horrible. I can only imagine it's not a day in the park for the other party as well, so if two hearts can be spared, I think that's a good thing. I believe what I am looking for is, in fact, much harder to find than what is showcased on television screens and in movie theatres. I think back on my life, so far, and I've never found a single person remotely close to filling these mighty shoes I've sown. Friends, parents, they all fall short. I am aware that what I ask for is quite possibly unattainable, so I keep this possibility in the back of my head. I think, if all else fails, I will be quite satisfied living alone for all my years. I admit, I will get rather lonely at times, and I will probably envy those that do have find significant others.

I've never been the outgoing type, and I know part of what inhibits me is myself. So, this is me being depressed I suppose. I just...need a pick me up.